i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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