Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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