i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
