But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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