just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
