I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
