Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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