I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
that's an acceptable place to lick
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
im calling her cock vulture from now on
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
