im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
