Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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