the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
