at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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