I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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