His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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