JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
