ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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