I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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