your room smells of hookers.
And success
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
