The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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