I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
