Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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