we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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