The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
