I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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