thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
