...so i touched it.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
