i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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