saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
