the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
