You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
