I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
