All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
