You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
