DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
