Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
