he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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