also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
