and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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