dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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