Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
