Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
