me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
