i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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