I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
