Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
