Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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