I think I won the penis lottery.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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