I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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