I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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