the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize