You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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