Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
