I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
