Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
