This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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