Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
