Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
