and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
don't judge my taste in strippers
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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